NORMAL -- WHAT IS IT??
It has been exactly 30 days since our last camping trip at McClain State Park in Michigan’s Keweenaw Peninsula. We have put our camper away for the winter and returned to work. “Normal” life has resumed.
“Normal Life” – what does that look like? What does it feel Like? Knowing these are subjective questions with different answers for everyone and answers could change daily, I decided to take a deep dive and answer them myself.
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I must begin by saying that my normal from here on out includes being without our oldest child. This is a topic for another writing, but the short version is that my oldest stepson passed away. Using that as a starting point for how normal looks and feels, I begin with emotion.
My oldest stepson was an addict. For 20 years, my family struggled with never knowing when or if we would see or hear from him again. Over those years, there were tears, there was anger, there was hope, there was disappointment...and there was love. As difficult as it was and through the strain his addiction put on our marriage and family, we always knew he was out there.
On the surface, today does not feel all that different from every day for the past 3 years. No one in our family had contact with him since 2020. It is different, though. I know he is no longer struggling, which is somewhat comforting. I also know that he is truly gone, which is painful. For me, the last time I saw and spent real time with him was Thanksgiving 2019. It was the first time he had visited our home for a holiday in many years. It was a good day – full of family, laughter, fun, and good food. I felt hopeful that day.
My new normal – We are missing a tree branch as we head into this holiday season. He has been missed for many holidays over the years, but this year, I know that he really is not going to surprise us all and come home.
I am 59 years old. A few short years ago, I had a retirement plan…I would retire at the end of THIS year. Along came COVID and disrupted life for everyone. We found ourselves unable to travel, so we purchased a travel trailer and a larger truck to tow it with to cure the wanderlust I have in my veins. I began working remotely from home and found that I could work remotely from my camper, with the only restriction being that I needed to be in the state of Michigan. Since August of 2020, we have spent more May through October nights in our camper, somewhere in the great state of Michigan, than we have at home. This was one of the single best decisions we made during the COVID era and has become our normal and something that I, personally, need to do.
Speaking of retirement and being on the cusp of 60 … I feel like I have entered a second version of the “TWEEN years”. My new retirement plan is to retire at 62. Logically, I know that 62 is a “normal” retirement age; however, when you are like me, and you had an idea in your mind of what you would be doing at this exact time in your life and now find yourself driving in a different lane, it is difficult to refocus those thoughts. Today’s “normal” includes imagining that “last day of work” while unsure where I fit in.
I am (be) “TWEEN” being fully invested in my job and being checked out in retirement mode. My job seems stagnant. I am bored and unchallenged. But I find myself (be) “TWEEN” wanting to find a new job, take on additional responsibilities that would engage my mind, or ride out the few remaining years I have at work in this status quo. My “normal” in this regard is finding myself (be) “TWEEN” going to my paying job five days a week and tinkering around with what I want to spend my time doing, which is blogging, vlogging, and writing. These “TWEEN” years are not as difficult as the younger “TWEEN” years can be but are confusing, complicated, joyful and fun all at once.
“Normal” is when you wake up one day and find yourself with adult children who are truly great humans who have blessed you with grandchildren you love beyond words while missing one of the children you raised, who was once a pretty great person. “Normal” is when you find yourself not young, but not old; wanting to retire, but not retired; loving working remotely but missing live, in-person interactions; missing those nights spent in the travel trailer but loving the comforts of home; sad that “nomading” around with the camper is over for months, but grateful that reservations have already been made for next season. “Normal” is being grateful for every blessing; I have so many. “Normal” is being thankful for health, mine, my husband’s, and my remaining three children and five grandchildren. “Normal” is whatever works for you and yours. “Normal” feels like being happy, content, and at peace in this moment in time that you find yourself in. “Normal” feels like being sad, scared, hurt and angry. “Normal” is everything and anything that is YOU.
